Look Around and Pay Attention #3

In the local library business center with Grumpy and Starched-Pants.

I am a scaredy cat, if you will. You know those people who eat garlic and then their entire being smells like garlic? I am like that but with fear - a tiny taste of fear and then my whole being wreaks of fear.

When I was a kid and finally got the courage to spend the night at a friend’s house (around age 12 and it was still touch and go whether I was going to call my parents to come get me), they knew there was not a chance in hell I was watching a scary movie. One time, it was my best friend Julie’s birthday and well, what do you say on someone’s birthday when all they want to do is watch some terrifying film with a witch standing by some creepy lake as the cover of the movie. I pretended to keep getting snacks or going to the bathroom for the entire 90ish minutes. Then I called my parents. Happy birthday and sorry and bye!

So I scare easy. And today I am at the library because I thought I heard a noise in my house. No shame. I really should not be allowed to read the news, or join any local community FB groups that post warnings of creepy cars, or definitely not the NEXTDOOR app.

My little library has a business center and usually I am here solo tap tap tapping away on my computer. I spied a Patriots baseball cap when I walked in and took a little cubby spot at the next opening. And the grunts begin.

Oh dear.

More grunts.

I have to wonder if this guy is seated in the back because he is watching porn. Please G*d no. Then I hear a much older voice say out loud, “what is going on?”. And then a few seconds later, “why can’t I figure this out?”. Repeating again, “what is going on?”.

Okay so not porn. Well maybe?

Just kidding. It’s not.

I wonder if I should help as he sounds about 100 years old and while I feel 100 years old on the computer some days, I might be able to lend a technical hand.

Just then, his phone rings and he answers to a woman’s voice. He says he cannot get into his eBay account and will come to her house in 10 minutes if he cannot get it to work. He sounds like Walter Matthau from Grumpy Old Men.

He hangs up and goes to the front desk to ask the librarian for help. She walks over and helps him enter his password and just like that, he is in. He calls her his good luck charm and thank her profusely.

Another man enters the business center. He seems more business with his red-ish button down shirt and starched jeans and faster pace. My Dad used to starch his jeans.

Grumpy-Old-Man is talking to himself about the shipments he needs to make. Narrating each click he makes. A few more grunts to catch his breath. Calls the woman back on speaker phone to leave her a voice message, says ‘hi it’s me, Dad’ and has the sweetest personal notes about how much fun he had yesterday and I love that he says ‘love you’.

Uh oh, Starched-Jeans is getting frustrated. He yells at his computer, ‘COME ON!’. And he gets up to check the community printer. I see he has a goatee, my Dad hosted a goatee in my younger years, too! It must be a starched jeans thing.

I love how these older people are in conversation with the computers. They truly just talk out loud. Grunt out loud. Rage at the printer out loud. It is rather nice, to be honest.

I, of course, cannot focus on anything so I will write about it along the way as a practice in presence and being in this moment. And I am distracting myself from the murder novel I was mind-writing about some man entering my home with dog treats and woo-ing my dog who is probably still now at this moment hiding in a closet because I came home before he or his crew could take the TV or my gold ring in the shape of a bass fish my late grandfather left me.

The librarian is back with Starched-Jeans this time, he had to go get her for help. The same lucky charm to Grumpy has lucky charmed again! The goatee speaks about how his ego is bruised as she literally pressed a single button and voila, the printer worked. Grumpy chimes in, ‘mine, too’ speaking about his ego.

I love it here.

I just heard Grumpy say ‘come on brain, work!’ and well, I could say ‘mine, too’ this time. Come on brain, focus, focus, focus. And yet today, all my brain wants to do is feel, feel, feel.

An older woman I sort-of-recognize walks in with her lunch. She looks at me with an endearing smile and says hi. I say hi back and ask how she is doing. She asks me, ‘no kids today?’. And I forget how often my daughters and I come to the library and create quite a raucous. Every single person has most likely spoken to one of them as they ask all the questions about the cherry tomatoes on the desk and can they have one or about what each person is doing or if they will help them with the weekly library scavenger hunt. And my youngest daughter has the brightest blue eyes draped in eyelashes everywhere and everyone, and I mean everyone, comments on them.

I share with the woman about school and daycare and told her my house was too quiet and spooky, so I came here to be with them. She is sharpening pencils and making her own raucous. Lucky charm woman makes a joke, ‘hey, don’t you know this is a library?’. The joke is actually really funny as this library is rarely ever quiet with all the old birds connecting and wisely giving zero shits. After sharpening her pencils, she scoots elsewhere to enjoy her lunch and leaves me and my grunting friend to our screens.

I look up for a moment, screen break. I scan the business center which has a wall of a library shelf full of relics. And when I say relics, there are shelves and shelves of audiobooks on CD (slang for compact disc). I begin to envision older people with anti-skip CD players and those earphones with the soft pillowy stuff around the speakers and well, it feels good.

I have been thinking of getting our oldest daughter an iPod. I have not even googled if they make iPods anymore but she really loves music and I loved my iPod and even more, I loved my neon green iPod MINI I could clip to my shirt for a run. I felt so cool

Sadly, I have to share with you all that I did a quick google search and the iPod is no longer. They say (cough, Apple says) just get an iPhone. UGH.

I groan.

I scoff.

“What is going on?” I say out loud. So inspired by my older cubby mate to speak to my computer, too. And I get up to go get the librarian, maybe she will bring me luck as I pack up to head back home for lunch and check all the closets.