"There is no such thing as over-communication" but is there now?
10 Tips to Communicate way better because humans need some work.
I led a workshop this year at a company on team communication. We had built on workshops we did last year really focused on the individual (core values, personal vision and goals…the likes) and this year are focusing on team (communication, aligned company mission, year over year growth… the likes).
The workshop was in person so we could really talk communication out on a powerpoint and then talk it out in real time, in real life. I love integration as a key part of how any work comes to life as it then moves from power point page or the page of book into your actual body.
How many times have you read a self help book and thought it was great and then never did anything with what you read? I know, this is why coaching is cool.
Back to the work, we explored clear communication with a focus on the structure of storytelling. Communication is a variation of storytelling really, at all times. We also explore communication as an inhale and exhale, the metaphor connected to how we are giving information (for example: spoken word, email, text, slack…) and the receiving of information (the listening). Then, we got up out of our seats and spoke directly to one another. It was fun. Intense and fun.
I have been observing how I communicate in the world these days. And by that, I mean I am actually watching myself and people. This could be recently in the Whole Foods Parking lot, in the busy square in my small town as the tourists emerge for Summer, how I speak to my husband and children and of course, online on Instagram and email and text.
So. Much. Communication.
My teacher once said in a workshop, ‘there is no such thing as over-communication’. And I scribbled it in my notebook and have repeated it no less than 1,000 times to different people, companies and clients. Especially when it comes to goals and feedback and connection, the communication is the key.
However.
I am curious about communication these days. And if we are being (over)communicated to from the different places and spaces we connect. There seems to be a collective overwhelm and overall weirdness out there, is it just me? We are so saturated with communication, how do we make space to really listen now?
I wanted to share the 10 ways I have been exploring clarity in my communication with clients, my family and friends:
Email/text is for facts. Phone call, zoom or face to face is for communication.
Eye contact for the win. When ordering your coffee, when talking to your child, when listening to your friend tell a story.
2a. And this nugget: there is no eye contact on ZOOM. Unless you really make the effort to stare in that tiny camera atop your screen and then not at the face looking back at you which is usually about 2 inches lower, there is no real eye contact across a screen. Said it.
Listen, listen, listen. Then respond. Like this: Listen to what is being said. Listen for the unsaid. And then listen for understanding. Share your response.
Say no to distractions. Phone in hand. Phone on table. Apple watch buzzing with a notification. Perhaps you are old school with a beeper (please someone have this!). Be aware of all the potential distractions when in communication with someone and do what you can to remove/silence/airplane mode them so you can be fully present.
Body language. Take a not today of all the ways your body shows up to the conversation, too. Check your shoulders. Are you facing the person or group you are speaking to? Are you off video on ZOOM and doing 8 other things with your body at once? Perhaps you are hungry and cannot think of anything until you have an apple or that macaroon.
Take one minute for a clearing. Set a 60 second timer before you dial into a call or ZOOM or meet someone out and clear your mind. Anything that is feeling sticky, you can acknowledge it and either let it go or place it in a parking lot for after the commitment you are entering. P.S. My mind has been on overdrive lately so you might actually need 120 seconds, take the time.
I love the acronym W.A.I.T. that stands for Why Am I Talking? I have the gift of gab from my Grandmother and wow, some times I just off on a tangent. Checking in on why you are talking or have a need to talk is the beginning step to any great storyteller. Why does this matter and why am I needing to fill this space? I know it sounds a touch judge-y and yet when we can start to discern with what we are speaking about, we are going to have better conversations. And guaranteed that meeting could have been an email when you check in with the WHY.
Stop the fake. I mean this for communication and orgasms. Okay! If you are faking it, whether it be your engagement in a conversation or your presence on a zoom call - WE ALL KNOW. Everyone can see you checking another tab or reading an email, you and I are not as sly as we think we are. Stop the fake. Be there or not. Make the choice.
8a. And if you don’t have an answer to a question, don’t act like you do. Tell the truth and say ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I will get back to you with that answer’.
Vulnerability for the win, folks. I would be remiss here not to include the v word in regards to clear and real communication. Tell people you love them. Tell people when they do a good job. Tell people when they hurt your feelings. Go deeper. I dare us all to do so.
Lastly but not least, these are all great tips and the best place to start these is with YOURSELF. Because how you are talking to you is how you are showing up to us. Pay attention to you. Speak with less distractions to yourself. Make eye contact in the mirror. Listen to your body, listen deeper. And no faking. Start with you.
Continued Ed | Resources:
BOOK: We Need to Talk by Celeste Headlee
NOTE: Seth Godin says “communication is a path, not an event”
ARTICLE: What Brené Brown can Teach You about Effective Communication
PODCAST: On Being Featuring Priya Parker on Gathering and it is full of communication notes
Maine has never been on my radar as far as ‘places to vacation’ (other than wanting to see/experience it all) as I've always been drawn to more tropical locations. Aside from the harsh (and long) winters, you have tipped the scale. Hiking trails through forests and endless beaches in one location, companies that operate in old buildings seemingly plucked from the pages of Little House On the Prarie, and now a town square…I'm fascinated.