The Way You Rest as a Nod to Your Worth
Featuring Guest Writer: Margaret James
I am excited to start featuring other humans here on my Substack and make space for these thought leaders and brilliant minds on topics I am curious about and imagine you might be, as well. Today’s feature is on rest (to be clear, not sleep and not recreation) by Ayurvedic Health Counselor and Holistic Perinatal Health Consultant,
(click her name to peep her Substack, In the Flow!). This essay is not only a call for why rest is essential for your body and your mind (and story about your worth) but also a how-to when it comes to the practice of laying your vessel down, step by step by step. Truth is, I needed and still need direction in this arena.And just this past week, I built my own rest nest and laid my body down to breathe and it was so divine. I cannot wait for you to have a practice and the choice to explore rest this way.
I will say this,
is an incredible wealth of ancient wisdom combined with modern science and she makes it fun and weird. As you might have read in my last post, she was was one of the woman who was and is a support system to me in my life through my experiences in her Kitchen Witch cooking classes, with her healing skincare line (this nourishing face tallow balm, though!), and soon in her womb sovereignty courses (launching soon). And our shared love of spicy romantasy books, another key of connection with so many in my life right now (wink).Enjoy the read and make space and time to rest.
By:
How many social media posts have you come across basically reprimanding you for not resting? Then wondered HOW exactly does one rest, especially when there’s so much that needs to get done?
Rest is usually an afterthought that you’re forced to do when you’re sick (which doesn’t feel like rest at all…), or maybe on a “good” day, it’s the reward you give yourself after you’ve crossed all the things off the to-do list. But what if you thought of rest as preparation? Like how winter is preparation for spring or how the depth of exhale prepares you for a fuller inhale? Without winter or a complete exhale, the ensuing phases are less vital, leading to desperate attempts to make up for lost vitality through force and by stealing from tomorrow’s reserves.
But what would happen if you experienced rest as your natural state? And not just some thing you’re supposed to do? What if it was actually a path back home to your true self? Resting in your true nature of bliss and radiance is your birthright and this is what all healing traditions around the world have been trying to guide us toward. The practice of rest was never intended to be a productivity hack or only for those privileged enough to have enough time to check out from the world. It was always intended as a practice of self-empowerment, reciprocity, and sustainability.
So with all the talk about resting more, let’s talk about what it actually is and how to do it, shall we?
First off, rest and sleep are not the same thing. Sleep is a physiological need and your survival depends on it. But you could go your entire lifetime without resting. So when I talk about rest, I’m not talking about napping, though that IS a form of rest.
When I talk about rest, what I mean is conscious rest. As my teacher and aunt Judith Lasater says, it’s when the body sleeps while the mind watches. You are aware, floating in a liminal space where the confines of current circumstances slip away—including the circumstances of your body—so you can steep in the imaginal layer of consciousness and dream of new possibilities. There’s an experience of extreme ease and spaciousness where you feel both deeply connected to the body but also so much more than your body. You may experience glimpses of insight, spontaneous clarity, or unbound creativity. You may also experience nothing. No-thing. This doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Or that you don’t have insight to glean. It’s just an experience that happens sometimes. No need to make it mean anything. And regardless of the experience, we keep practicing anyway.
So, HOW does one rest, exactly?
Well, we first start by creating the conditions. There are steps to take that allow rest to grace us with Her presence (yes, rest is a goddess). We are always moving in the direction of something so we need to create the conditions that help us move in the direction of rest because we can’t expect to go from 100-0 in 2 mins flat. We’ve all tried that in various ways, it rarely works. So we create the conditions in 4 ways:
Quiet. Silence is important for the function of the brain. And we very rarely make space for intentional silence; space to not be bombarded with the sounds of everyone else's wishes, desires, demands, complaints, and attention grabbing gimmicks. Silence helps us hear the whispers of our own heart. And there’s never been a more important time to cultivate the skill of discernment and learn how to direct our attention to what matters most. So if possible, don’t play any music or have the TV on in the background. If you live on a particularly noisy street, try using earplugs. If you need to (and not just because it’s uncomfortable), quiet, ambient music can be helpful but I encourage you to experience the gift of deep silence. Brown noise can also be relaxing for ADHD or neurospicy people. You get like 100 extra points if you practice in nature. What the points are for, idk, but resting in nature is a peak experience…psychedlic even, but I digress for now.
Dark. There’s no question that light is stimulating and dark is relaxing. So the simplest way to invite darkness is to use an eye cover during your practice. Eye mask, eye pillow, a handtowel, or my personal favorite, a silk scarf gently wrapped around my head.
Warm. Dress in comfy clothes, especially socks. And be sure to cover yourself with a blanket because your body temp will drop a couple degrees during your practice and it’s annoying to finally feel deeply relaxed, only to have to grab for a blanket. If you’re PMSing or menstruating, a heating pad can also feel good.
Still. We create stillness through comfort and support. The more the body is supported by pillows, bolsters, blankets, props, sandbags, and the like, the easier it is to descend into stillness. Also think about the quality of your surroundings. Are there lots of people moving around? Or are you alone at home? If your mind is feeling particularly ungrounded, it can feel nice to do some gentle movement before your practice. Gentle being the keyword. Remember, we’re moving in the direction of rest. The transition between matters.
Now you have the 4 principles for creating the conditions. Let’s talk about building your rest nest:
Actions speak louder than words. So the only “goal” for your rest practice is to be as comfortable as possible. It’s about support, and building yourself a rest nest is an offering to yourself. It’s a way of saying “here you go, my love. I’ve made this for you. I want you to be taken care of. I want you to feel held and loved. I see you. I got you.” I. Got. You. Can you imagine the release that happens when you viscerally experience the meaning of those words? Isn’t it time you allow yourself to receive your own deep, unwavering support while also remembering that something bigger, greater, and more loving has your back too?
Ideally, you won’t be doing your rest practice in bed. Our cute little brains like to compartmentalize. And we want our bed to be a place for sleep. We don’t want the brain getting confused and thinking it should be hovering on the brink of sleep because you’ve been doing your rest practice in the place you usually sleep. This is where lots of pillows and blankets are helpful if you’ll be practicing on the ground. But I also love teaching this on a couch too, still with pillows and blankets.
Set a timer on your phone for 22 mins then put it on airplane mode. I’ve found 22 mins to be the most doable length for most people. Yes, it may feel like an extraordinarily long amount of time that you could’ve been doing other things but it’s also *only* 22 mins so it’s a great way to renegotiate your relationship with time and realize you have ENOUGH. Why 22 mins? It takes about 2 mins to get settled into your rest nest, 15 mins to move into deep relaxation, then the last 5 mins is where the magic reveals itself to you. This also helps the brain know that there will be an ending so it can fully release any sense of control or wondering if you’ve been passed out for 3 hours and missed all your appointments.
So choose where you want to practice and begin building your nest like a mother builds a nest for her and her babies. Lay a yoga mat or two down. Maybe a sheepskin rug. Have a comfy pillow to rest your head. Do you want to rest on your side or on your back?
If on your side, put a pillow between the knees. Have another pillow to hug, and yet another behind your back so you’re completely tucked in by pillows. An eye pillow on the neck can feel super grounding. Or one in the palm of your upturned hand. Don’t forget your eye cover! When you’re laying on your side, an eye mask or hand towel to drape is best because the eye pillow will slip off. Now cover yourself with a blanket and receive the gift of rest.
If on your back, take up space! Place your arms at about 30 or 45 degrees away from the body. Place a pillow under each wrist (with elbows still on the floor), maybe a thin blanket under each elbow depending on the thickness of the padding beneath you. Stack two pillows under the knees and calves so the feet are slightly lifted off the ground. If your heels rest on the ground for the whole practice, you might start to experience a burning sensation that pulls all your attention away from rest. Cover yourself with a blanket and cover your eyes with something too.
Get your wiggles out. Make any adjustments you need in order to be supremely comfortable. This is not the time to push through or dismiss your discomfort. This practice is about YOU and honoring your needs so no matter how small or big of an adjustment it is, do what you need to do.
Once you’ve settled in, take a few cleansing breaths. Deep inhales, open mouth exhales, maybe even with some moaning or groaning to release tension. If you need something to focus on, count back from 27 to 0 with every exhale. Imagine every release of breath as an unburdening and unraveling. Opening yourself to receive the practice.
When I talk about rest, what I mean is surrender. I know you can push yourself harder to try to prove your worth. But your worth isn’t up for debate. It’s not a commodity. Your worth isn’t loose change in someone’s pocket: meaningful to one person, meaningless to another. Can you surrender to the One who sees right through that hustle, the One who already holds you in the highest regard independent of what you do or how you do it or how much do?
This is the journey of coming home to yourself. To withdraw from the outside world. Not as a form of escape, but rather as an intentional turning in toward your own heart. To be in communion with yourself. To listen to the sweet voice of your inner wise woman.
What I mean when I talk about rest is here you are, releasing resistance, opening to receptivity, learning how to receive the love that’s already here.
One question I often get is “Is there an ideal time to rest?” And my answer is simple: the best time is the time you make for the practice. If you really can’t do 22 mins, even 5 mins of laying down in silence, with an eye cover, a comfy pillow, and a warm blanket will shift how you feel. I find that 2-3pm is often when most people need the practice but can be harder if you’re in an office or a teacher or out in the field for work. Around 2-3pm, a lot of people experience an energy slump and reach for coffee or carby foods to get a jolt of “false” energy which is only depleting in the long run. So if we look at the desire behind the desire, we can identify the need for deep rejuvenation which is where rest feeds two birds with one scone. You get the immediate relief from exhaustion but you also replenish your energy stores for the long term. Plus it makes you more productive but I don’t like framing rest as a remedy for productivity.
If you’re feeling called to cultivate a rest practice (or maybe you’re in stark opposition to rest, which might be a calling also), Exploration of Rest is my 28 day self-led journey that I’ve been offering since 2017 and have had hundreds of people go through with real, life changing results. As a supporter of my dear friend Jacki, you can get 50% off (which makes it only $34) with code RESTNEST. There are 4 pre-recorded rest practices that each have a different pose/shape to evoke a different experience with rest plus a guidebook that draws from behavior change and neuroscience research to cause deep subterranean shifts in how you experience your life.
Come join the rest-olution! 🙂
Thanks for letting me write a rest nest manifesto 😂❤️