Journal Prompts #18: Define Vulnerable
What is your armor made of? Shell, glitter or tree bark?
I think a lot about hermit crabs now. They were everywhere in May when we moved to Southern Maine, you had to be aware of not stepping on them if you braved the cold Atlantic Ocean, which we did and do.
My kids dug little swimming pools and made water parks for them with other children they met on the beach. They even had a pregnant hard shell crab they were very tender with one time.
I learned when hermit crabs grow and need a new shell of a home, they do like a home exchange system. They gather with some other hermit crab friends and set up their vacated shells all in a row and then as if entering the fitting room at a large department store in the days of my youth, they try on the shells one by one until they find the one that fits their larger body and off they go (you can read about it here).
Nature. I love nature.
I lead practices in vulnerability through my Vulnerability Club. We have a club code of conduct, weekly calls with a Friday writing circle and even a book club to join. I am now launching them seasonally and the Winter edition starts next week on January 30.
I really like the language ‘join the club’. You know when people talk about things and then people relate or are living the same story and they respond by saying ‘join the club’. We are all in the human club, the Earth dwellers club, a lot of us in the people pleasing club (membership overfilled) and people pleasers in recovery club exist, too. And it lends itself well as human connection is necessary. I had a Lisa Frank sticker club growing up and to date, it is still my favorite membership I ever held.
By call #1 or #2 in Vulnerability Club, there is space created to define the word ‘vulnerable’ in our own languages shaped by our own experiences. Any word that creates a vibration or frequency in your body, spend time with it.
In a recent survey on my instagram (yes I came back and it is fine), here we some of the working definitions shared (will leave anonymous):
“Showing up for myself”
“Being naked and breakable and finding your breath”
“Being honest and authentic without fear of judgement”
“Human”
“Walking away and wondering if you made a mistake about sharing that”
“Opening yourself up, true and honestly”
I wrote:
“Like a snail, without a shell”.
So often vulnerability shows up for me in moments when I let my guard down. All that armor I have built up to fit in and not risk my heart or stay safe or even neutral, I am realizing I can take it off and on, change it, choose different ones even - like the hermit crabs. And we talk a lot in the club about vulnerability portals and who or where we feel safe to be vulnerable. And that matters.
One more thing I have to mention is the language of vulnerability and how often it is interconnected with feelings of fear, judgement, pain or weakness. And there are days where this tracks. And there are other days I feel so vulnerable in moments of all encompassing joy that I wonder if I actually feel more naked in my joy or in my sadness?
Back to the hermit crabs.
They remove their shells. And their friends line up by size to help them find a shell that fits. And there is community and vulnerability there. What if during the shell removal circle they also are sharing their fears and joys, just like us? Or more likely, we just like them.
The intention of Vulnerability Club is not about altogether removing these layers or shells. I believe it is in the practice of vulnerability that you create trust and a relationship so then you know you have access to keep and remove the shell as needed. Or when you have outgrown your shell, or where you feel safe to let the thick armor down so that you can be free to feel, expand and express. And perhaps this is with yourself - goodness I feel so vulnerable alone with myself and my thoughts sometimes (a lot of the times). Or perhaps this is with your community, at a dinner party with friends you met or a group of strangers cold dipping in the ocean early one morning (I recently have been invited to join a group that goes in the early and freezing winter morning, but have not gone yet…).
It is in the response versus reaction that allows us to befriend vulnerability and not fear it or even block it entirely when it comes to getting to know our emotional self in all its expansiveness with compassion and grace. Let’s line up and share, this is our practice.
WRITE: Grab your journal and a pen.
What does the word ‘vulnerability’ mean to you?
When was the most recent experience you felt vulnerable? And how did it feel in your body during and then right after the moment(s) you felt vulnerable?
What have you learned from moments of vulnerability in your life? This is a big question so you can come back as I am sure the answers will go 800 ways to Sunday as your pen inks the page.
Have you ever wondered what your layers or your armor are made of? Shell like the crabs, glitter, iron? Perhaps tree bark or yarn made from your neighbor’s sheep? (psst this is my favorite question)
Where or with whom do you feel most able to be vulnerable? Are you on that list, too?
If you start from the position that there is no right or wrong, no good or bad, and creativity is just free play with no rules, it's easier to submerge yourself joyfully in the process of making things. We're not playing to win, we're playing to play. And ultimately, playing is fun.
- Rick Rubin
RESOURCES:
BOOK: Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown
BOOK: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
EXPLORE: Dictionary definition of vulnerable
ARTICLE: Creature Feature, House-Hunting, Hermit Crab Style
WATCH: The Power of Vulnerability TED TALK
JOIN: Vulnerability Club: WINTER Edition
Imperfection is a form of freedom.
– Unknown
vulnerability to me means being willing to seen in your messiness, darkness and flaws. to allow yourself to be a fully authentic messy human. sharing your raw spots. sharing true thoughts, and emotions with others.
I loved these prompts. I'd say my layers are like tree bark. They can grow old and crisp and shed themselves, but also can take me a long time to let go of those layers.