Falling in Like with my Period

At almost 40, I am going to love my body and like my period. It goes against everything I have ever done or known though.

First things first, a big thanks to our presenting sponsor, saalt, who has unlocked this post for all our free subscribers. saalt has launched a reusable revolution creating quality period care products better for our bodies and the Earth body. I have an assortment of their period underwear (lace & mesh collection is my fav) and have been using the saalt cup since it came to be in 2018. Thanks saalt! They made you a code, use JACKI10 for a discount!

A note from me, Jacki: As you know, I am a writer and storyteller, some days poet. I am not a doctor or scientist and barely passed anatomy - anything that goes in or on your body is your choice, check your influence as I am always checking mine.

On to the story…

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All my friends got their periods before me. I mean all of them. They would ask me if I had met ‘Aunt Flo’ yet or did I know T.O.M. (an acronym for Time of the Month). or ‘have you started yet?’ and I would say no and they would immediately respond, ‘you are so lucky’.

And that was my starter kit for my period; being lucky that I didn’t have it yet while they were all wearing real bras and talking about pubic hair with extra tampons in everyone’s Jansport backpack front pocket, along with four lip glosses, coverup makeup, and mechanical pencils. At my house, my padded bras mistakenly were put in the dryer one too many times, so I had a ripple effect in my boob region for years. Not to mention trying to rid myself of any and all unwanted body hair by putting some smelly bleach cream on my facial hair over my very skinny top lip every other week and hating the idea of shaving my legs so I just … didn’t - so middle school was something.

Growing up in the ‘90s was actually something, can I get an amen?

My friends had given me the rundown about cramps, blood, pads, tampons, and how long a period lasts. I am sure we covered some semblance of this with my science teacher in 7th grade but it was literally the same conversation that discussed what an erection is so I learned nothing as I was so embarrassed and enthralled and why is she holding a banana?

I remember crying when my period arrived. I was a mixed bag of emotions along the range of embarrassed, sad, annoyed, rage-y, confused that this happens monthly now and so uncomfortable with the actual boat of a pad I had to tape to my underwear. Add teen acne and this has to be a joke, right?

And that was the beginning, middle and some weeks it is still the current of the loathing of my monthly period for a long, long, long time. I have labeled it many words but quick ones that comes to mind are:

Gross

Messy

Annoying

Ugh, again?

Embarrassing

How can I hide this?

Cramp-y

And if some dude in high school does that cat rawr thing one more time with his stupid hand in the shape of a cat claw and asks if I was PMSing, I was going to freak out.

Sound familiar?

My mind wonders as I have three young daughters now and how will I mark this evolution of their body differently? Will I be the mom that has a party with period cups in baskets for everyone? Will I be able to talk about the moon phases and go the nature route? Maybe I should plant a tree?

I have a little time to consider my options. And that is so like me to think of what I will do for them before I even begin to reshape my own relationship with my period. 

And that is where I am starting today, with my own relationship to my cycle. I am an almost 40 year old woman, and I am learning to like my period only now. And it is a challenge, an unraveling, and a rewriting of scripts and I am willing to try, try, try again.

Here are 24 ways I am falling in like with my body’s monthly cycle:

1. Like meeting a friend for coffee you haven’t seen in oh, 28ish days, how can you get to know them better? I have started to really get curious and ask questions about my period and my body in this time. I had to remind myself and even allow my period at age 40 to feel different than when it did in my teens or 20s and 30s. 

2. With any change, I ask myself if and when can I take the time to (re)introduce myself? In this instance, reintroducing myself to my period after birthing three children and entering year 40. When I do that, I recognize how an intense headache hits just before I start my cycle, the all over emotional and physical relief I feel halfway through day one and how day two rages every single time and can I slow down those days on the work front? By day four, I start to try to rush things and that serves no one and really does not work. And on day five, I can feel a shift as my hormones start to shift. This creates a structure to lean into each cycle that I can begin to work with, adjust with, even dance with.

3. Experiment with foods, what feels good in your body what doesn’t? In all honesty, I am too overwhelmed in my early period education to follow a strict diet per week that I find in period books, so intuitively feeling what feels good is my go-to choice right now. 

4. Alcohol is a no go for me day 1-3. I cannot handle the alcohol of any style as I am too sensitive so I honor that boundary.

5. Add more water. I know when I have not had enough water when on my period so always having a water bottle full and nearby is a hack for me. I mean, I could do this all the time but focusing here on period love.

6. I am on the waitlist for a period class. Yes, like going back to school, period school. It is never too late to learn about our incredible bodies. There are so many options out there and I am pre-registered for Moonblood with Ayurvedic Guide, Margaret James.

7. Permission to move. I give myself permission to move my body. For some reason I had gotten in my head that I need to rest and lay down at all times when on my period which is not possible as someone with a job or someone with kids or someone who likes to move. On days 1 and 2, I walk or yoga, on days 3 and 4, I move in my training classes or runs with modifications or slower pace and then by day 5 and 6, my energy returns and I have the choice to go full out or do nothing, honoring the choice always.

8. I like having period products at the ready. Similar to having the right gear for a hiking trip, I have my Saalt cups in both sizes, the new Saalt steamer, and I love period underwear. The Saalt high waist french cut are my favorite in multiple absorbency options.

9. Speaking of period underwear, I free-bleed at night (you can learn more about free-bleeding here). I wear my cup during the day and my period underwear at night and this has felt supportive for my flow style. 

10. Do you have a flow style? How about this, do you have a period outfit? I know you have a favorite jogger or sweatpant you go to. This creates consistency and almost a ritual in the form of style choices, a form of love and self care during your cycle, for sure.

11. Know what you need so you can ask for it. For example, on day one, I need extra tenderness as I am so emotionally charged. I have three young daughters so my partner knows to turn up the care for them so I can support myself more.  

12. Make a period playlist. I want to be that person that dances when she gets her period, alas, I am not. However, I like that the desire is there so I dance when I can - which is usually around day three. Any fav songs to send over for the playlist?

13. Having friends I can talk about my period with - community matters. Find your people and talk about periods and poop and your parents. We must.

14. I had to let go of the shoulds. I started to learn about cycle syncing and instead of feeling like freedom, it felt like restriction to me and my way of life. And yet I kept thinking I should cycle sync. Let go of how you think your period should be so you can honor how it uniquely already is. Maybe you yell on day one. Maybe you are a marathoner on day three. Do you. Period.

15. I still am in awe of the phases of the moon mimicking the phases of a menstruation cycle. If nature language feels inviting, go for it. I am going to continue to learn there because that feels like fun to me versus really scientific language. 

16. I have dark chocolate on hand at all times during my period. And I have as much as I want. 

17. The most beautiful practice I am trying on is gratitude. It sounds like this: ‘Thank you body for letting go of that which it is time to shed’. This feels like a big shift for me mentally when I go there instead of the shame spiral I knew from my youth. And then my body responds physically. 

18. Track your period on a physical or digital calendar or in an app. Instead of being caught off guard or surprised, I can be (somewhat) ready for the cycle shift (and so can my partner if the calendar is visible). I know this sounds simple but I am caught off guard all too often when I don’t write down each month’s start date.

19. You know when they say in an airport, ‘if you see something, say something’? I feel the same way about my period health. Can I say something to my doctor, my naturopath, my partner … (fill in the blank of people on your life team)? I do this to better educate myself about my cycle. Examples can be the type of blood you are experiencing (color, consistency, flow), your PMS experience, your pain levels, your energy levels, your mental health during your cycle. Speak up.

20. Learn other traditions and ways of communication around period arrival and period care. I went into Sequoia National Park and there was a rock with carved divots in them. An Indigenous elder had shared with one of the guides that these divots were made when a girl got her period in the tribe to celebrate her arrival to her cycle. I was gobsmacked. How beautiful and the rock is still there celebrating. 

21. Be aware of the language you are using with your cycle. Words are creating our reality and we can get really creative here, too. I find each day of my cycle welcomes new language. Whereas day one and day two is not kid-friendly language and I allow the rage in and then out of my body and mouth, day three and four I can be more compassionate, try on gratitude and almost celebrate. Language is neat.

22. Find trusted sources. The internet is a wild landscape and I had to find one to two spaces to tune into while tuning out all the other million voices. Building trust matters here within yourself and others and there is a lot of misinformed noise out there. 

23. I take really long and hot baths. Add epsom salt, a book and/or a lit candle in the corner. I actually love all the hot and bothered articles that say baths do not equal self care because I will respectfully disagree during my cycle.

24. An unpopular opinion, I like that my period introduces me to my emotional edges. I get right to the absolute edge with many emotions the day before my cycle and during my cycle and this is actually where I get to know myself, the shadow parts, the neutral and the lighter sides of me.

I fall in like with my period because hating six or seven days of the month out of every single month was a commitment I could no longer keep, especially when my disdain for my cycle was rooted in miseducation (or the lack thereof) and groupthink. I am the revolution for myself and for my daughters because if I won’t, the pattern only continues.

Take time to explore your own ways to meeting your period right where it is, ask for help when needed, learn more and be open to re-introducing yourself again and again to your cycle.

I will be doing the same.