Do you ever get a touch bit annoyed with yourself?
Could it be annoyed in a loving way?
Like when you make a big ass deal of something and write about it and do a countdown and then do the thing and then write about it some more. And then, change your mind?
Oh hey, me too.
What an art form to be human, huh?
So today it has been six months off Instagram. Six months of one less app. Six months of a life less scrolling through other people’s lives and sales and filters. Six months of no funny memes. Six months of asking if my business can survive on Substack, newsletter, website and IRL alone all while moving across the country (it did-ish, only ish). Six months of disrupting a pattern to assess what feels good now. And now? And even now? Six months of making a decision and sticking to it.
And today, I make a new decision. Without judgement (okay a tiny bit judging myself), drama (haha, who am I without a little drama though?) or any type of shame spiral (this is true, I don’t feel any shame) or even sadness (if I am sad about this, I need a life) or regret (no regrets), I return to the ‘gram.
I actually started making this whole long list of all the reasons I am coming back and then deleted them all. I had gotten to a whopping 7 reasons to share. Because the truth is, less explanation can be the way and that is the motto I need most these days as I overanalyze, overthink and overexplain and waste precious time and energy doing just that.
My moral compass is ringing a bit right now as I shared some of the inner conflicts I have with Instagram. But the truth is, those conflicts are not solely with Instagram - it is with society and humanity and get this, most of the conflict is with ME. The conflict is really with me and how I choose to interact, show up, give too much or too little. And that is on me to figure out how to co-exist, boundary up and create this life online AND offline as an entrepreneur, mother, partner, friend and human.
So that is where I will leave us for now.
See you out there in the wild - be it on a screen, in a scroll, in the trees (snag the last bunk spot!) or at the ocean.
And speaking of decisions and fulfilling on your request for workshops, I am hosting a workshop on ZOOM called ‘The Anatomy of a Decision’ on July 20 at 3pm EST / 12pm PST / 1pm MST. We will dive into the current landscape that is decision fatigue and the bold realization that it is the decisions (or the not making of one even) that design our days. We will explore tools to support decision making and end our workshop with you and a decision you are making or not making and why. There are free and pay-what-you-can tickets available, see you there.
« LATELY »
Reading: Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid
Listening to: Building your Village as a Mother (Beth Berry) on the Startup Parent pod (thanks
for sending to me!)Eating: Golden Oreo THINS (and breaking out from all the sugar and it is worth it)
Surprised by: The feeling I feel when I see people at the ocean in the rain. So much rain in New England and people still show up, I am in awe daily because it does rain daily.
Watching: Jury Duty (finally). I don’t love reality-ish TV but this was a fun detour and when Ronald watched ‘A Bug’s Life’ with Todd, faith in humanity restored.
A broken record: Talking with Dan who owns FRESH PICKINS at the local farmers market this week and he said these words: “Sometimes you just have to let the things come to you.” And then my response: “Yeah. I am really not that good at that part, Dan”.
Feeling: very exploratory in it all.
Sometimes I feel like we're so conditioned to have all these reasons why we make a decision, like we need to justify everything! But I am learning that often times it is enough to make the decision we did because we just wanted to and that's it. Whether it makes sense to others or not, that decision felt like the right move to make in that moment. As things change, as WE change, it's only natural for our decisions to adapt too! And there is nothing that says you can't creep back onto Insta, feel an immediate no and then bounce again. I was about ready to leave Insta in May but then decided to change my relationship with it. I still might go on a long sabbatical with it but going with the flow feels a lot less restrictive. Now, that said, I ventured to TikTok finally and far prefer it over Instagram. If you want to use social for biz, maybe that's something to consider?
Omg we JUST finished Jury Duty, randomly found it and had never heard of it, and it was so good! Faith in humanity completely restored, like you said. Ronald. Love him.
And yes to getting annoyed with yourself, happens to me constantly, but more yes to not needing to justify changing your mind and be freed from judgment. I find that I always try to give reasons for everything, especially if I want to say no to something, justify, justify, but I was thinking of some people in my life that say no and all they say is, “can’t make it that day.” No explanation, and they seem freed from guilt to provide one. Because I’m so forthcoming, I’m sometimes taken aback, not caring that they say no, but marveling at their detachment from it…then I ponder whether it’s a goal of mine to be like that or that I can celebrate the empath in me, and then I’m annoyed with myself. 😅