I felt myself stalling to write this Audit & Ask this month, as if writing it would mean that September was really over. This past month was sunnier than I thought it would be and held on to warmth longer and now I don’t know if I am ready to let go.
I know I said I was ready to wear the wool sweater but now, I am not so sure.
So I waited three days to audit the past month and ask and dream about October. And that is okay. I am learning that some things take longer than expected and even though the calendar changed from month to month, I can still honor my own timing in it all.
How divine.
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Every month I check in - in my body, in my to do lists, my habits, my goals.
Here is my Audit & Ask for the past month of September into October.
AUDIT
Take a moment to close your eyes and see all that was September. Meetings, moments, people, health, work, commitments, failures, celebrations and all the learnings.
In one word, how was September? ___________________________
A very full month and the weather was stunning, just truly stunning.
What are two learnings you experienced from September?
I have been evolving into Fall as my favorite season. In my youth and most of my 20s, it was definitely Summer. But I changed and Fall is so romantic, I cannot deny the grasp it has on me. So I had been really looking forward to the seasonal change in September. And oddly, I have been actually mourning Summer - I miss the warmth of the sun, the ease of getting dressed in only one layer and slipping on shoes quickly. I learned again about the magic of overhype.
I learned that grief is wild. You think you have an idea of it and then all of a sudden, course change and you are learning about grief in a whole new way. “Is this being 40 and how you get wise through the grief portal?”, I whisper to myself….
What are two celebrations you can share from September?
I am now in the seventh week of my newest offering, MOTHERMIND and I love the connection, the digital village, the open conversations across ZOOM. Celebrating being brave and doing something new with my voice. (And I already opened up registration for MOTHERMIND round II, join in).
Recently an astrologist told me about souls choosing human bodies and how constricting it must feels in the first years of life. I had never, ever once thought of our human existence this way and now I cannot stop thinking about it. I am celebrating my children and their big feelings in their human bodies that grow so quickly. My daughters are exquisite, I am honored to be in this human life together.
In closing, September was the formation of structures and navigating a new school year and sports-y things and adjusting to one another as we settle in for the new season. It was not like how puzzle pieces just fit together and I might have crammed some pieces together and then realized they didn’t fit, oh life.
ASK
In one word, give October a container? ___________________
SOFTEN.
What do you want in October? Make a list. Write a snapshot.
In all honestly, I want to soften the inner voice that has been more self critical than I care to admit. This particular critic is leaning into perfectionism in ways I thought I had grown out of. She is impatient. Unkind. And seems to be best friends with my anxiety.
I am craving a warm embrace from another voice that reminds me it is okay to take longer than I thought I would. A voice emerging from a deeper space that acknowledges how much I have changed and that it takes effort to create from a place that you might not recognize yet. A voice that says, I love you this way, too.
How do you want to feel in October?
Creatively expressed.
What is one goal (or more) that you can commit to in support of your desires and feelings for October? Start with one goal, see how it goes.
I am on week 4 of my 4 week Bodyweight Foundations classes, I will finish what I started!
I invest in myself and book another massage and energetic healing session for myself.
I lead a vibrant Retreat to the Trees laced with deep connection, soulful nourishment and loud belly laughter. And I always hope/dream that one person will snore in my yin yoga class!
Left this goal here as I had to move the date: I launch my Core Values e-book with deep care and love for storytelling and experiential learning.
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Your turn.
Jacki! I highly recommend listening to the September 23 podcast episode of “we can do hard things” with Dr. Kristin Neff as it relates to the inner critic. Take care ❤️