I am on a group text with three of my lifelong friends, two of them I met at age 3 and our other friend, I met at age 5. We are all over the map and none of us are in the same time zone. I woke all of them up this morning with the longest text chain about why I read romantasy (romance + fantasy) books with bullet points listed and a couple starter books.
To say I am a recruiter to the romantasy realm would be….an understatement. Here is a list I shared of some of my 2024 reads, should you want a peek.
And I figured I would share the same reasoning (in list form) with you here as I have recently gone through this same conversation with my husband late into the hours of the night as he asked me what the hook was….and I will tell you:
Give me a badass female lead who uncovers her true power through love, action, friendship, trust, leadership and erotic connection ANY DAY.
Women write love and lust and sex scenes different than say, male authors. Did you watch Game of Thrones? I actually DNF’d that series, the sexual violence against women was more than I could handle. Read a Sarah J. Maas book or Rebecca Yarros’ Empyrean Series, the men in these books are listeners and (very) generous lovers. While I have one of those in my husband, I know this is not always the norm in books and in real life. Set the standard, this is a portal.
Female friendships in these books are also so divine. The support, the encouragement, the necessity - you will have to find a book that dives deeper into character development for this. I mean more story than smut, as the line can get blurry in this genre. (The Throne of Glass series by Sarah J. Maas series is divine for this).
How divine is a re-write? I read a story about a character where Hercules was a young woman. How cool! And I read a Hades x Persephone modern day inspired re-write - less about him kidnapping her and more about her in choice and discovering her power through her darkness.
Self reflection is something I, as an overthinking Aquarian, find to be a really cool portal in reading romantasy. Another group chat with three friends in different places from later in life, we all have different favorite character that allow us a deeper understanding of ourselves and then, one another. I kept reaching for themes where the main female character had to step fully into her power which meant accepting all the parts of her self she had judged or hidden away to fit a mold or to be accepted in society. And then, when a male character falls in love with her for those parts, sigh and swoon and yes! I loved Dorian in Throne of Glass by SJM for this line: “She was not becoming anything different from what she always was and always had the capacity to be. You just finally saw everything. And once you saw that other part of her… You cannot pick and choose what parts of her to love. Just as you cannot pick which parts of me you accept.” and I love Kingfisher in Quicksilver by Callie Hart even more when he said: “Don’t call her Sunshine,” he commanded. “Why not?” … Because she is moonlight. The mist that shrouds the mountains. The bite of electricity in the air before a storm. The smoke that rolls across a battlefield before the killing starts. You have no idea what she is. What she could be. You should call her Majesty.”
People keep asking me, how do you read so much? Even my beloved has seen me shift from being an avid reader to a devout reader every single night. I have zero interest in TV, my imagination is just so much better. And I love the meme going around that says ‘god forbid a woman have a hobby for the sake of pleasure and pleasure alone’.
I love the commitment that happens when you embark on a series. Romantasy authors are known for cliffhangers and the buckle up that happens the last 100 pages of every single book - beyond intense. But guess what, you get to go get the next book after you are done! The story continues ….
The romantasy world is a bit dramatic. One character has a d*ck so big, the other character cannot fit both their hands around the girth. Come on? I mean, come on! But the videos on instagram that explore this are so HILARIOUS. It makes instagram a better place and I mean it.
The camaraderie, though. I have so many texts and DMs going on about these books. There is a perspective I read recently that will be in my third e-book that speaks to how community cannot exist without some kind of ritual as a tether to hold it together. These books feel like a reading ritual that a lot of my friends and acquaintances are partaking in and a thread to connection at any time. If you could have seen the text thread between an old friend of mine that I have not seen in over probably twelve years from our crossed paths at lululemon, we talked for two hours about … books!
And then strangers reading them in the wild, I will never stay quiet. If I see you reading a book in the wild, I will say hello with a cheesy smile and ask what you think and who is you fav character so far and what you think might happen and never share a single spoiler. While I know this is very extroverted and for some of the people just trying to enjoy a book, maybe annoying, hi, still going to say hi.
This probably should be closer to the top of the list but a sweet treat for anyone who read this far, the slow-burn-erotica-frequency is something I must point out. I am 41 and 1/2 and everything and everyone out there is talking about the perimenopause downhill life I am entering and dry vagina and low sex drive and … okay, what am I doing? I am sure you have seen it as much as I have. But I am over here reading these books and not even close to any of that specific life. So, throwing that out there if you need a form of lubrication, read romantasy. Because fun fact: women need 40 minutes to get fully turned on to enjoy sexual intimacy. 40 f*cking minutes? Don’t believe me, read ‘Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life’ by Emily Nagoski to learn more about your body. Or, just read romantasy, wink.
On the notion of desire, this genre really explores (in depth) the female perspective and lens of desire. Is it allowed? Releasing shame? Stepping fulling into your yes. This could have an entire essay in and of itself, especially if you were raised, say Catholic, like me. I love reading the books as a reminder that pleasure is my birthright and why am I still seeking permission to feel?
Back to main female characters and some of the incredible side female characters, a lot of the women in these book are leaders and/or warriors. They can wield a sword or dagger. Their life, at one point, was terrifying and someone took action to teach them how to protect themselves. I took a jiu-jitsu class a couple years back and have it on my list to find the practice again. It was SO empowering. If you, for example, have ever once walked through a dark parking lot with keys in between each one of your fingers or only run with one air pod in at all times, you know what I mean. Of course now I am imagining what kind of dagger I would own in a different life - definitely a dramatic one.
The same friends I texted this morning, we had a Lisa Frank sticker club. The binder and the stickers, all of it. If you are an elder millennial, you remember? This is kind of like that. A grown up sticker club. And yes, you already belong and membership is free to join as you can literally get any book at your local public library.
Okay, let’s talk about the escape. If you have an imagination like mine, you really are escaping reality to enter a dream like world with either dragons or fae or wolven, the list goes on and on. And when I read, I am there. I am literally and figuratively, there in the realm. So it is worth checking in what you are escaping and why? And of course having a way to come back? A small child yelling at me to wipe her ass often does the trick.
But even more that escape, I want to talk about the imagination and creative possibilities within the portal or reading fantasy (and sci fi). I will say that I love adrienne maree brown, specifically her books titled Emergent Strategy and Pleasure Activism. I quoted her recently in my vision e-book, she said, "Science fiction is simply a way to practice the future together. I suspect that is what many of you are up to, practicing futures together, practicing justice together, living into new stories. It is our right and responsibility to create a new world.” The notion that what you consume supports what you create is a big overthink for me right now. If you are not happy with the news headlines or what is happening in your community, our society - then write a new world and start practicing. I find these tendrils in the books I read. Currently reading about a Queen of mortal descent who has both the life and death powers (making her a Goddess but I have not gotten to that part yet) that are usually split between….you guessed it, two Gods (masculine). How neat. How … divine.
If you find a great author who can write both world building and humor, NEVER LET GO. I have not found many, so I am open to any hot takes. Rebecca Yarros did a great job with this in book three of her Empyrean Series (you’ll see if you haven’t read it yet).
I will say, I have always loved a good love story. One that tears it all down and builds it back up, I will stay up until 2am to read it. If you are in love with sleep and have zero self control like me, this might not be the time to embark on this reading genre.
I remember a scene in ‘You’ve Got Mail’ when Greg Kinnear’s character is a journalist and he writes ‘you are what you read’. Thoughts? And if so, are you reading about emboldened, brave female leads who speak up and step into their full power and ask for what they want both in the bedroom and beyond? Just wondering.
A note about joy. My dear friend loves reading horror (to my dismay, at night in the dark). Another friend of mine is non-fiction and historical fiction forever. What I love about reading is finding what makes you …. you? I believe books can do that. The interesting thing about that is, I really had read so much self help from age 22 to 37. When I found romantasy at age 39, a new part of me emerged. Stay your course, for sure. And, be open to trying new genres, too - in case you changed, recently.
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So, what is your favorite genre to read right now? Did you flip a switch like I did at some decade and change genres? And what I really want to know - what is your all time favorite book (mine is still The Achemist by Paulo Coelho)?
Photo x Tayler Carlisle Photography
You inspired me to give romantasy a try and now I’m hooked! I told my friend about it, and with a look of surprise she said, “that’s a new character arc for you” — and I kind of love that. It’s so refreshing to try something new.
I love this! I grew up reading romance novels; was about 5th grade when I read my first one.
My mom loved Jude Deveraux , collected them in hardcover. She had so many paperbacks too! She volunteered and was on the board at our local library, so I spent a lot of time in there, putting books back, etc.
I love being able to go to another country, time, dimension. And a good love story with some intrigue, badass women, and lots of steam! Gotta have the smut!