I recently celebrated a wedding anniversary with my husband and snapped a sweet photo of us on the beach on an evening walk. I looked at the picture later and felt myself staring a little closer at … well, myself. She looks different.
Do you ever catch yourself off guard a little bit with a selfie?
As if you have been all out sprinting and in this moment, you catch up to the present moment. Life has just been dragging you into your next evolution but you could not see it until you actually saw it for yourself staring back at you on yet another screen.
How weird to be so human in this time, right?
And the truth is, I am different. I live in a completely different climate that I did one year ago. It is actually a completely different climate than where I had been living the past almost 20 years of my life. Our children are moving through transitions in school and sleep and emotions. We embark on the third child’s potty training journey this weekend (send coffee). So many big moves over here. And the sun is shining again as we tip toe into Summer which feels different, too!
Nothing happens in a vacuum. Everything we do and say (and don’t do and don’t say) has an impact on who we are now and who we are becoming.
Someone asked me recently, “are you having any fun though?”.
I paused for an awkward amount of time. Fumbling to find the answer, I realized that I no longer had a grasp on what the word ‘fun’ means to me now. In this body. In this climate. In this state. In this moment.
Because truthfully, fun does not have to mean laughter or loud or buoyant even. Words I would have used to describe it in the past. It can mean peaceful, loving, joyous, or eccentric even.
And last night, I had so much fun. Chris and I took a blanket to the beach with a cooler of charcuterie dinner and a bottle of wine. We sat for hours and talked and watched the waves. Then we walked along the waves holding hands or following the cutest plover birds all over the sand. We really took the time to be together. And it was quieter. No fancy dinner or crazy outfits. We didn’t even have shoes on. I didn’t even have time to wash my hair. I smiled a lot. I cried twice because I feel deeply and was so overwhelmed with our wedding anniversary and our kids ending the school year and life and the ocean was so stunning at sunset. And it was truly fun.
And now, I have a new definition to edit and explore.
When you change and your preferences change, it is worth asking: what does ‘fun’ mean to me now? And then ask, ‘am I having any fun?’.
I hope you say yes.
Grab a pen. Grab a journal or piece of paper.
Close your eyes. Say the word ‘fun’ out loud. What do you see in your mind’s eye?
When was the last time you had fun. Write about it. Check in to see how you feel in your body when writing about your fun experience.
What does the word ‘fun’ mean to you now? Give yourself permission to go beyond any working definition from your past or the standard in society.